The Loss of a Mother

Mac called this morning. His mom, Jan, lost her battle with cancer during the night.

Nothing can prepare you for this. It doesn’t matter how old you are. As I think about my best friends, I realize that many of them have already had to face the pain of losing their mothers. I just can’t handle the thought of it.

Susan and I shared a room when we were very young. I remember one night, lying in our twin beds, we got to talking about “what if” dad and mom were to die. As that conversation evolved, it led us to the realization that one day our dad and mom WOULD die. Our little minds just could not bear it. The tears started flowing and as this reality continued to sink in, we became hysterical. I can vividly recall running into the kitchen (where my parents were probably enjoying those few precious quiet moments when the kids are all tucked in) wailing. It took our parents quite a bit to get us calmed down, reassured, and tucked back into bed. But sleep didn’t come easy that night. My mom still remembers that night, also.

Billy was one of my very best friends when I was young. In fact, back then (probably even before school-age) he told his father that he was going to marry Gina Mostrom. We spent hours playing with Terry and Jimmy in our neighborhood. Losing his mother, Sharon, to cancer was so tragic...especially since I really didn't understand what was going on at the time. I just remember watching my friend (along with his older sisters and father) struggle with a broken heart. I'm sure that througout the years he, Marcy, and Kathy have yearned for just one more hug and kiss from their mother.

Not too many years later, a good girlfriend of mine lost her mother, Becky, to breast cancer. As we grew up, I often thought that it was unfair that Brooke had to face life without the guidance and support of her mother. As the oldest of three, Brooke had some big shoes to fill...and she did so with grace and style. Her trust and faith in God was so inspiring to me. She still inspires me. Her mother would be so proud of her accomplishments...and her beautiful girls.

Although I didn’t get to know Tiffany until high school, she had lost her mother at a very tough time in ANY girl’s life—junior high. I had not been there to go through that pain with her, but I could still feel that pain even as she grew into an amazing woman. When five crazy college women decided to take a Spring Break excursion to Vegas, it was in her mom’s old car. She still had it. We made some great memories in it. Maybe she was with us.

My younger sister Lisa married Matt just prior to being discharged from the U.S. Navy. She fell in love with his whole family in Wisconsin, including his mother. Pat was definitely a second mother to Lisa. This spunky little lady always had a smile on her face and a great story to tell. She lived--really lived--right up to the point when breast cancer stole her away, breaking many hearts in the process.

My very best friend was able to care for and comfort her mother, Shirley, through a sad battle with Raynaud’s Disease. It was torturous…for both of them. I was able to visit them in the hospital not long before her mom's death and was horrified at the cruelness of this affliction. Julie was so brave for her mother. She told me much later that the hug I gave her at her mother’s funeral was the only time she ever remembers me hugging her. Since I consider myself a “hugger”, this completely surprised me. I guess sometimes we feel so close to those that we love that we don’t feel the need to physically express our love. That is one mistake that I no longer make.

I met Jan on the same day I met Jeff (Mac) and Todd. After all, we picked the boys up at their homes in Satanta in Tiff’s Trans Am that day. She was a teacher and I always enjoyed my visits with this bright and vibrant woman. When both she and Larry retired, they were able to do some traveling together before and after her battle with breast cancer. Man, we thought she had it beat…until just this past fall. At a KSU football game Larry and Jeff told us that some tests had come back that indicated that the cancer had returned—though it was now in her bones. How quickly these last precious months flew by.

I know that statistically men die younger. In my personal experience, however, this has not been the case. Too many mothers of those that I love have left before we were ready. But I suppose one is never ready to lose his or her mother.

Go give your mom a hug today or at least give her a call. Keep her in your daily prayers. And be grateful for the time you have with her…it is never enough.