Showing posts with label fart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fart. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Visiting the Arch

When Heath joined the Navy we were able to take the whole family to St. Louis to witness the "swearing in" ceremony at a St. Louis Cardinals game since Heath was part of the "Cardinal Company." We knew that this experience would be something that his little brother and sisters would never forget. Watching the respect that was shown to these boys and their families was pretty moving.

Since we were making this long drive, we decided to make a mini-vacation out of it. While in St. Louis we took the kids to Union Station, the Arch, and yes, the Budweiser Brewery--we had to take Annie to see those Clydesdales.
The Arch is a beautiful and interesting monument. A museum at the base has extensive information on Lewis and Clark. But like most visitors, we were most excited about riding to the top. We purchased our tickets and got in line.

There are 4 or 5 little cars that are hooked together so that they all can be pulled up to the top. These cars are extremely tiny. In fact, people with claustrophobia are warned prior to entering. The cars will hold up to five and there were five of us--Todd, Tana, Andy, Annie, and me. So, we piled into our little car where we here knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder, and hunched over to keep our heads from hitting the rounded ceiling. After our door was shut, I told the kids that nobody better fart. Then I jokingly told them that if someone did, when we got out we should all place the blame on Dad with our disapproving looks. We shared a good laugh...and then started up.

Once we got to the top and climbed out, we all enjoyed the view of St. Louis. It really is an amazing view. The room up there is fairly small--long and narrow. There are rows of windows along both sides with a short carpeted wall that slants outward. This allows you to lean forward and look out the windows, giving you a strange airborne sensation. The kids looked out every which way and we pointed out different landmarks to them.

After a while, I decided to go ask the attendant on the departing side of this small room when the next "train" would be going down. As I walked between and among the 15 to 20 other people milling around up there to get to the attendant, I found myself engulfed in a horrible stench. Someone in that small, poorly-vented space had passed gas.
Being a proper lady, I pretended not to notice and proceeded to ask my question. The attendant let me know that it would be just a few minutes. As I turned around, there was Annie. Annie was 8 at the time and, apparently, not as concerned about being a proper young lady. I'm sure she also had the little joke I'd made on the way up at the forefront of her mind as the the smell hit her and I was directly in front of her. So she loudly convicted me, asking "Mom! Why did you fart?!" I didn't let myself look around as that would imply guilt. Instead I smiled and very calmy said in a patronizing voice, "Annie, I didn't." However, she immediately, and loudly, replied, "Yes you did!"

Okay...now I looked around. I wasn't going to argue with Annie over this topic and needed to see what the damage was. The first person I looked at was the attendant, a young man. He was looking right at me and dryly said, "That's quite pungent." I can't even imagine what look I had on my face at this point.

I grabbed Annie and we went to the rest of our family. As we got in place to get in our little car to go back down, I relayed the story through my laughter. On the way down, we were in hysterics. Between the laughs and the tears, Annie did receive a scolding for saying such a thing in public. I'm sure it was hard to take me seriously, though. We all decided that the smart-mouthed attendant was probably the actual culprit!

About a year after this event, however, Tana admitted to the crime. Little stinker!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inappropriate Behavior

You know how most people sit in the same place, same pew in their church every Sunday? Well, we don't. We try to mix it up a little bit and usually sit in a different place each week. This past Sunday we happened to sit behind a couple that was a bit odd.

While I was intent on the message being delivered by our Pastor, my husband's attention drifted a bit. He noticed the woman lean over to the man and whisper something, then (while I was totally oblivious) she proceeded to hike her right butt cheek and blast flatulence toward her husband. I missed this entire episode! (I need to be sure to compliment my Pastor for an engaging sermon.)

Todd, however, told himself that he surely didn't see and hear what he thought he saw and heard--until the husband leaned back and said, "I'm sorry about that" to the older woman on the other side of Todd. At this point, he knew that he couldn't turn and look at her face or he would totally lose it. I, however, was still completely clueless.

Next, the guy leaned back to me and said, "Sorry about that." Todd was still biting his tongue! The comment broke my concentration from the service but I had no idea why this man was apologizing to me. So, I leaned forward (at this point I know Todd was thinking--"Don't do it! Don't do it!") and asked, "Sorry about what?" He looked at me like he didn't hear what I said, so I asked, "What happened?" (I know Todd wanted to pull me back and tell me to shut up!) The man informed me that "my wife has terrible gas."

I leaned back in the pew with my mind replaying what this man just said. Confused, I looked at Todd but he was staring straight forward because he knew that if he even looked at me he would burst out laughing. I, however, apparently lack this self-control. Everytime I looked at Todd, he would smile but kept looking straight ahead while I convulsed with my silent laughter.

After the service, I think Todd laughed for two days. Of course, he had to fill me in on all of the details that I had missed--which just made the whole situation more absurd.

For those of you who may be following, this is the second "fart" story from church. Hmmm...I hope this isn't a trend. :)