Make Me Laugh

This evening I watched Julie and Julia with my mother-in-law. She gave us a scare this week when her blood pressure shot up. After bringing her home from the hospital, resting, and making her dinner, it was nice to enjoy a chick flick…just the two of us.

When I was a kid, Julia Child’s TV show was common entertainment in our house. I don’t know why it appealed to my sisters and me, but it did. There was something about the combination of food, her personality, and the sound of her voice that made us tune in…and want to imitate her.

There were many nights when we were young that all of us girls would pile into one bed. I remember a time in particular that mom pushed the twin beds together in Susan and my room so that we had one king-size bed. Casy, the oldest, had her own room (with her own bathroom!) and Lisa, the baby, had her own room (with horrible pastel-striped shag carpet) while Susan and I shared a large room between them.

Our favorite bedtime game was one that we made up. It was called, “Make Me Laugh.” One of us would stand at the end of the bed and try to make the rest of us laugh. Whoever laughed first went next. We told dumb jokes, sang goofy songs, acted like clowns, and Susan would pretend to be Julia.

She had the imitation nailed! But what really made it funny was Susan’s own little twist. As Julia, Susan would pretend to steal nips from the cooking sherry. If you’ve ever heard Julie Child’s unique voice, it’s easy to imagine it belonging to someone who is half inebriated. Susan would really play it up…and, oh, we would laugh.

Right before Lisa went into the Navy, we all met in Hugoton to spend time with Dad and Mom. While there we went in to Raycolor to get a “sister” picture taken. As we were driving back out to the house that afternoon in dad’s pickup, Susan spoke up, “Those pictures aren’t going to be very good.” Casy asked, “What? Why not?” Susan’s response was, “Well, I didn’t smile.” We were all confused. Casy asked, “Why didn’t you smile?” None of us will never forget Susan’s answer. As serious as a heart-attack she said, “They didn’t say anything funny.” A moment of dead silence passed as we all processed this bit of information, and then the three of us burst out laughing. It is one of our favorite private jokes.

Apparently the years of making each other laugh spoiled Susan. Maybe we should’ve given her a few nips of cooking sherry first.

Funny Things My Kids Say--Part 6

The other day we were having company for dinner. For dessert, I purchased two chocolate chip cookie mixes. However, that evening I had a headache. Knowing that my daughter likes to bake, I called Tana up and asked her if she would mix and bake the cookies for me. She was happy to do so.

I laid down to take a short nap and try to quash the ache in my head. But too soon I was awakened by the smell of burning cookies. Lying there, I heard Todd hollering for Tana and listened as she removed the sad little things from the oven.

After a few more minutes, I got up to check out the damage. Yep, they were pretty burned.

What had happened? I wondered if she got distracted by homework or the computer. Did she forget to set the timer? Did she have her iPod going and just not hear? So I called her up to get the scoop.

I asked, “What happened to the cookies?”

Tana answered, “I only cooked them a little over 10 minutes…about 12 minutes!”

Hmmm… “Tana, the package says to cook them 8 to 10 minutes. Since you like chewy cookies, you should’ve taken them out at 8 minutes.”

And Tana answered, “I wasn’t sure how long to cook them since I doubled the recipe.”

I found that burnt chocolate chip cookies go down best when served warm with laughter.

Detentions!

Just for the record...I only got sent to the Principal's office twice while attending Hugoton Elementary, Middle, and High Schools. Both times Brooke was in with me!

In 5th grade we were in Mr. Calvert's class. Brooke and I sat in the back left corner with Shannon and either Jana or Rene in front of us. Over in the back right corner sat the trio of Billy, Darren, and Jeff. They loved to torment us. We, however, also found little ways to get under their skin. (I remember, for instance, calling them "Lilly Beeper" and "Karen Dark".)

I'm going to side-track for just a minute here because I LOVED Mr. Calvert's class. Here are some highlights from that year:

• We listened to music often--Flying Purple People Eater, I love a Rainy Night (I can picture Thad and Lance on the front row singing this and bobbing their heads back and forth!), The Tide is High...


• Jolly Ranchers--these were our "prizes" for different activities.


• Short Stories--I remember going to the the little custodial closet to record my short story on a cassette player. At the end of the year we walked to his house for a field trip and listened to all of them! We thought they were all so funny.


• As we walked back to class from PE, cutting across the playground, Aaron punched Brooke which knocked the wind out of her, which made her pass out! She was at the end of the line and nobody realized it! Did we make it back to the room and see her out the window or realize it before we got back in? I can't remember...


• Select Choir--I was an alto and Brooke was a soprano. However, after we were given our seating assignments, Brooke and I decided we needed to sit together. So we sat on the back row of her section. Apparently Mrs. Stahlman had forgotten where we were SUPPOSED to sit. We both sang high soprano from then on. It was NOT pretty!


• Shannon put a tack on Brooke's chair as a joke. When Brooke came back to her seat, she was talking to me and put her knee on her chair. That tack sank all the way into her kneecap. It was pretty tramatic for all of us girls!

Back to the story...

The devilish trio was often tormenting us. Since we all sat at the back, they would say things that Mr. Calvert could not hear. I don't remember ever tattling on them but we were sassy enough to retaliate occasionally.

On this particular occasion, we were working with clay. (Mr. Calvert must've had a good understanding of Multiple Intelligences and Learning Styles even back then!) As the boys were tormenting us, I made a clay face. Then I said to them, "This is Jeff's face!" and I smashed it. They proceeded at this point to hurl obscenities our way. I remember our response to this clearly because I thought we were so clever. We said, "We have mouths, too. And Mr. Begley has ears!"

The next day I came to school and sat with my little group in the common's area waiting for the bell. But while I was waiting, I got called to the Principal's office. Apparently three young men from my class had went to visit him with some concerns. Mr. Begley asked me about making the clay face and smashing it. I, of course, started bawling and admitted to this heinous offense. Then he told me that they had indicated that I was making fun of his ears. What?! I tried to explain our clever response between my sobs but don't know that he ever understood what really happened.

As I left the office, Brooke walked in. The color drained from her as she looked at my tear-streaked face. She really thought she was in for it! When I got back to class, Mr. Calvert pulled me aside to see if I was okay. I was so embarrassed that I was crying so I wanted to justify my tears. My response was, "Casy hit me!" (Years later I told Casy about this little untruth. She was mortified!)

My second offense was on the bus in junior high. We were headed to a track meet or a field trip somewhere. Brooke and I were sitting together and this time we were being tormented by Brian and Lance.

I had made a trip to Bloodharts right before we left so I had one of their cute little sacks with Precious Moments characters on them. This particular sack had two sweet little girls hugging one another. We wrote Brian's name and drew an arrow pointing to one girl then wrote Lance's name with an arrow pointing to the other...then handed this back, seat by seat, until it reached them on the bus.

Brian went home that evening and gave it to his mother. The next morning she went to see Mr. Krueger with the little bag in hand. Brooke and I got 15 minutes of detention. We served it with pride.

Funny Things My Kids Say--Part 5

One day this past week I had to leave the house early for a meeting. I'm very blessed to have my sister, Casy, living only about 2 blocks away and she agreed to help me out by getting my 10-year-old twins, Andy and Annie, to school for me.

After loading them in and buckling up, they headed down the road with "Ring of Fire" playing on her stereo. This recording artist helped make up the soundtrack of our childhood. If you've read my other posts, you know that there are several. She decided to quiz my children to see if I've been raising them properly to recognize his voice.

She turned up the song and asked, "Okay...do you know who this is?" Andy said, "I know this one!" Then he got a look of concentration on his face as he tried to think of the name. As they drove further, Casy asked again, "Who is it?" Andy answered again that he was sure he knew, he just needed a few minutes to think! Annie, on the other hand, sat quietly just listening to the music and contemplating the question. A little closer to school Casy offered, "I'll give you a hint. His initials are the same as Jesus." Andy was so frustrated that he couldn't think of the name!

As they pulled into the parking lot, Casy exclaimed, "It's Johnny Cash!" Andy replied, "Oh Yeah!" while Annie finally piped up with "What is Jesus last name?!"

Mostromisms Part II

Besides just having names for things, my family also has phrases that were commonly used. Heath posted one of these on his return home to San Diego after his recent visit. I'll start with that one.

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Home Again, Home Again Jiggity Jig: Any time we went somewhere, when we returned my parents would say this. I'm not sure if this was a Mostrom thing or something that came from my mother, a Phifer. Without even thinking about it, when we return home from a trip I say this to my own children. It actually comes from a little nursery rhyme that I never heard until I was grown.

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Skin the Rabbit: When we were very young and Mother would help us undress, she would have us raise our hands in the air. As she pulled our shirt or dress over our head, she would say, "Skin the Rabbit!" Again...I'm not sure if this originally came from my Mom or Dad. Of course, by the time I had my own children it had been many years since my Mother had helped me undress. But the words out of my mouth were always--Skin the Rabbit! One day the kids and I got to talking about this phrase and I realized just how GROSS this saying actually is... especially since I've witnessed a rabbit being skinned. It's not a pleasant sight!

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Do you realize that my fist is bigger than your whole face? My Dad used to hold up his fist near our face and say this when we were being belligerent as children and young ladies. Never do I remember my father raising a hand to any of us, so this was always said in jest. If we had really done something that called for correction, we all agree that Dad just had to give us "the look" that said he was disappointed. Then we crumbled...
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Pitiful: My Mother's favorite singer is definitely Elvis. All of us girls spent hours and hours listening to the King sing from the "Music Room" (that eventually became my bedroom). Whether Mom was cleaning house, exercising, or enjoying a visit from a friend, Elvis kept her company. Dad, of course, was a little jealous. Elvis was not called "The King" by my Dad, he was called, "Pitiful." For example, one might've heard my father say, "Do you want to listen to Pitiful?" or "Is your Mother listening to Pitiful again?"
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Gary and the Girls: We had a full size van that was used for family outings and vacations. Wow...we had lots of great times in that van. In fact, from the top of the World Trade Center in New York City we looked down at it and joked that it was probably getting broken into--then when we got down, it HAD been broken into! The leather tire cover was custom-made for my parents and read, "Gary and the Girls." I remember Dad complaining as we were driving down the road that young men would be straining to look in. It took us a while to realize that their idea of Gary and the Girls was not a father, mother, and young daughters!
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Boz: My Dad's friends have always referred to him as "Boz." My sisters and I have asked before where this nickname orginated and, of course, we've heard some pretty far-fetched stories from his friends and brothers. Maybe he's just had this nickname for so long that nobody even remembers anymore where it started. When we got older, we used to ask Dad why the van didn't say something like "Boz and the Babes!"
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Slop the Hogs: My parents often work together in the kitchen and they also did so when we were young. Usually when a meal was ready, my Dad would round us up for dinner by hollering, "It's time to slop the hogs!" or "Let's slop the hogs!" Again, this was something we heard so often we never even thought about it being so RUDE until we were older.
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Oh goodness...at some point I will need to work on some of our own Tylerisms. One just never knows what might come out of Todd's mouth!

Mostromisms

It's funny how when you are growing up, there are things that your family does that you don't realize are unique to just your family. Here are some of them for the Mostroms.

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Silverbars: We had a swingset in the backyard that was homemade. Someone hand-welded thick pipe together and added the attachments for swings and even a glider. It was then painted silver. So, we called them the "silverbars". On the playground at school I wonder if my friends ever thought it strange that I would say, "Let's go play on the silverbars!" To me, it was another word for swingset. I spent hours on this thing growing up. In fact, there are lots of pictures of me as a little toe-headed toddler riding a swinging horse and grinning from ear to ear. They just don't make them like that anymore.

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Pig: I don't know how this got started, but the absolute filthiest thing that we could call each other growing up was "pig." Mom said later that since we thought it was a dirty word, in her book it was a dirty word. When we used it, she knew we were cussing each other, and we got in BIG trouble. Isn't it interesting how words can provoke such emotion?

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Gudgurl: This one started when I was very young, in fact, probably before I was even born while Mom was potty training Casy and Susan. When we would succeed in pooping in the toilet, Mom would exclaim, "Good girl!" or "That's a good girl!" We didn't realize that our mother was praising us for saving her from cleaning up a mess. Instead, we thought she was telling us the name of this nasty stuff--and that she was excited about it! For years I thought "gudgurl" was a nice name for poop. As in "I need to gudgurl." My mom thought it was cute, and that this sounded much better than the alternative.

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Bud Buddies: Dad and Mom always had lots of friends who were always lots of fun. One of these couples was Ron and Gloria White. Each couple had three daughters and soon each had a fourth. It was an interesting coincidence and one that led to lots of shared time together as families. Their girls (in order by age) are Barbara, Brenda, Kelly, and Kristi. Kelly and Casy were the same age and so were Kristi and Lisa. Brenda and Susan were pretty close in age and had similar personalities. When we met them, however, I was very young so I was always paired up with Barbara who probably had to keep an eye on me. The were our "Bud Buddies". I'm not sure where the term came from but it is what we always called each other. Ron's girls were still growing up when he died suddenly from a massive heart attack and Gloria never remarried after losing the love of her life.

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Gary's Polka: My Grandpa Mostrom (Grandpapa) played the accordian by ear. This is a complicated instrument with many strange keys and a very large, awkward size. Once he heard a song, he could play it. As a child I didn't realize what a unique and special gift this was. When he and Grandmama were young, they played dance after dance with her on the trapset. One of the songs they played was "Gary's Polka". Gary is my father and this song was written and played solely for him. To us, this was just another fun polka that my Grandparents would play. Although we have old recordings of them playing it, I often wish I could hear it live once more.

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Stirrin' Stick: Dad was a farmer. All of us spent time helping him with different tasks in the fields. One of the more time-consuming ones was "changing water". Before pivot irrigation, we would load aluminum pipe on a trailer and it would take three of us (a driver and two pipe-movers) to lay the pipe to water the fields. These pipes had gates on them that could be opened and closed as needed to sufficiently water each row. What a chore this was! Often the gates needed replacing, the pipes stubbornly wouldn't fit together easily, and little animals (from rabbits to snakes) would be inside. Once laid, the water was started and would make it's way from one end of the field to the other. Later, Dad would "check water" which meant that he drove along the other side and listed the rows that needed more water and the rows that were fully watered. We would then go back out with a "stirrin' stick" to close and open gates as needed.

Opening these little gates by hand would be silly. Besides the fact that they were often very tight and hard to move, you never knew what little critter may be down there! The tool that I most often used to complete this task was simply a golf putter. Dad had several thrown in the back of the pickup. But THE "stirrin' stick" was an old tractor tire iron--perfectly rounded to conform nicely to the shape of the pipe. This was a precious tool to my father. To this day it hangs in his shed, a reminder of all of the time he spent walking through his turnrows and tending his land.

They Say We All Have a Twin Out There

Teaching high school for many years gave me several interesting experiences. When I was teaching high school in Tribune, one day some of the ornery boys in my class were snickering and whispering and looking at me curiously. Where in the world did this come from? I thought that I must've just been the butt of a dirty joke or something. I didn't know. Anyway, I continued to notice it with other boys in the hall. Something was definitely up.

Right before lunch, I had one of these boys in a class and I asked him to stay for a second. With everyone out of the room, I asked him what was going on. Looking quite uncomfortable, he told me that while a group of boys were messing around together over the weekend, a bunch of them were surfing some inappropriate websites on the computer and came upon my picture. I assured him that the picture could not be me. But, he insisted…and told me that I might want to take a look. (At this point, I am thinking this is funny! These boys must have vivid imaginations.) So, I asked him for the website. Of all things, it was www.teenplaythings.com! (This was even funnier to me since I was teaching teens!)

So, I sent him off to lunch and I looked it up--in the name of research. There I was, on my knees, elbows on the floor, derriere in the air, grinning at the camera, without a stitch of clothes on! On the home page of this porn site!

Now...let me back up for a second. Of course, it was NOT me. But she looked so much like me that it was scary. At the time, my hair was long and highlighted and even this looked identical in the picture. I saved the image on a disk then went down to talk to the principal. Thinking it would be best to head-off any future accusations, I told him about my morning and he about fell over when I showed him the picture and told him that it was NOT me. Thank goodness that the model was posed such that the important parts were not visible. He was a good sport and chuckled. The picture made the rounds to the other teachers and we all had a good laugh.

The next day, I copied and pasted the image on a computer-generated Valentine's Day card for Todd. When he opened it up, he exclaimed, "When did you get this picture taken?!?!" I said, "That's not even me!" He studied it pretty closely. Thinking it would be funny, I even showed it to my parents. My mother said, "Gina Michelle!!" Oh my...you know you’re in trouble when mom uses your middle name!

I still have that image saved in my old files. After writing this story I had to pull it up and take a look, thinking it surely didn’t look that much like me. Oh but it does. Who knew I could've had a career in modeling?

By the way, shame on you if you clicked the link to that site! I, however, had to see if it was still in existence. It is. However, my lookalike no longer graces its cover.

Visiting the Arch

When Heath joined the Navy we were able to take the whole family to St. Louis to witness the "swearing in" ceremony at a St. Louis Cardinals game since Heath was part of the "Cardinal Company." We knew that this experience would be something that his little brother and sisters would never forget. Watching the respect that was shown to these boys and their families was pretty moving.

Since we were making this long drive, we decided to make a mini-vacation out of it. While in St. Louis we took the kids to Union Station, the Arch, and yes, the Budweiser Brewery--we had to take Annie to see those Clydesdales.

The Arch is a beautiful and interesting monument. A museum at the base has extensive information on Lewis and Clark. But like most visitors, we were most excited about riding to the top. We purchased our tickets and got in line.

There are 4 or 5 little cars that are hooked together so that they all can be pulled up to the top. These cars are extremely tiny. In fact, people with claustrophobia are warned prior to entering. The cars will hold up to five and there were five of us--Todd, Tana, Andy, Annie, and me. So, we piled into our little car where we here knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder, and hunched over to keep our heads from hitting the rounded ceiling. After our door was shut, I told the kids that nobody better fart. Then I jokingly told them that if someone did, when we got out we should all place the blame on Dad with our disapproving looks. We shared a good laugh...and then started up.

Once we got to the top and climbed out, we all enjoyed the view of St. Louis. It really is an amazing view. The room up there is fairly small--long and narrow. There are rows of windows along both sides with a short carpeted wall that slants outward. This allows you to lean forward and look out the windows, giving you a strange airborne sensation. The kids looked out every which way and we pointed out different landmarks to them.

After a while, I decided to go ask the attendant on the departing side of this small room when the next "train" would be going down. As I walked between and among the 15 to 20 other people milling around up there to get to the attendant, I found myself engulfed in a horrible stench. Someone in that small, poorly-vented space had passed gas.

Being a proper lady, I pretended not to notice and proceeded to ask my question. The attendant let me know that it would be just a few minutes. As I turned around, there was Annie. Annie was 8 at the time and, apparently, not as concerned about being a proper young lady. I'm sure she also had the little joke I'd made on the way up at the forefront of her mind as the the smell hit her and I was directly in front of her. So she loudly convicted me, asking "Mom! Why did you fart?!" I didn't let myself look around as that would imply guilt. Instead I smiled and very calmy said in a patronizing voice, "Annie, I didn't." However, she immediately, and loudly, replied, "Yes you did!"

Okay...now I looked around. I wasn't going to argue with Annie over this topic and needed to see what the damage was. The first person I looked at was the attendant, a young man. He was looking right at me and dryly said, "That's quite pungent." I can't even imagine what look I had on my face at this point.

I grabbed Annie and we went to the rest of our family. As we got in place to get in our little car to go back down, I relayed the story through my laughter. On the way down, we were in hysterics. Between the laughs and the tears, Annie did receive a scolding for saying such a thing in public. I'm sure it was hard to take me seriously, though. We all decided that the smart-mouthed attendant was probably the actual culprit!

About a year after this event, however, Tana admitted to the crime. Little stinker!

Legend: The Babysitting Fiasco

Like most preteen girls, I did my fair share of babysitting. I didn't particularly like it. Often I found myself scared to death because my mind would get carried away with thoughts of ghosts or potential burglars, not to mention Michael or Jason (think Halloween and Friday the 13th)! So, I would tuck the kids in and turn the TV to something funny...then hope that the parents got home before the station shut down for the night. Some of you might not realize that we haven't always had 24/7 TV!

Back then my parents took part in a square dancing club. The four of us girls were fortunate enough to be included in this excitement. My dress was yellow gingham. I remember that Gary Wallace's parents also made him participate. We were just thrilled that our parents found it so cute when we would square dance with them. I also remember that the Harper kids were often there, however, Tom and Darlene didn't make them dance! On this particular night, the Nichols didn't have a babysitter to watch their two boys during the square dance, so my parents asked me to do it. I must've been in about the 6th grade.

I had a good time with their little boys that night. I remember reading to them and getting them tucked into their beds. With the Nichols out with my parents, I knew I was in for a late night. So, I curled up on the couch and found something funny to watch...I think it was Improv. And then I fell asleep.

Back then I was a pretty hard sleeper. During this little nap, I dreamt that I was playing with my best friend, Charla. This caused me to be confused when something woke me. With the thoughts of Charla still in my mind, I had in my head that I was spending the night with her and was dismayed that I had fallen asleep while still in my school clothes. So, I took them off and started looking for my suitcase to change into my pajamas. There I was, stumbling around in my skivvies and searching the front room for my stuff, when headlights in the drive jarred me back to reality.

It is at this point that the following thoughts went through my mind: 1) This isn't Charla's house! 2) I'm babysitting two young boys! 3) I'm naked! 4) The parents are home!

Now I had to make a decision. I knew I didn't have time to get my clothes on before they came in the house. Where do I go to get dressed without being seen?! With the obvious choice being the bathroom, I ran straight to the kitchen. My mind was just not yet running on all cylinders.

When the parents came in the door, Judy entered the kitchen and yelled, "Eldon, don't come in here!" That poor woman helped me get dressed while I rambled on through my sobbing about my dream and thinking I was at Charla's and trying to find my pajamas.

I don't remember how I got home that night...whether my folks picked me up or Judy drove me home. I was pretty traumatized! But I know that they never, EVER, asked me to babysit again.

My entire family still enjoys bringing up my "Adventure in Babysitting" during family gatherings. I have to wonder if the Nichols also enjoy telling the story of coming home to find the naked babysitter.

Legend: Short Stories--Cones and Cowbells

Some of the "Legends" from my childhood can be told in just a couple of sentences. So, I've grouped several of these together. Again, these are stories that are legendary from my childhood and repeated often at family gatherings.

We often used to go to Amarillo to enjoy a family weekend. Dad and Mom always got a nice hotel with an indoor pool and other family amenities. My mother was raised to dress well and on this weekend was wearing a new suede jacket. She has always been a beautiful and classy woman. While walking across the pool area to get to the on-site restaurant, Mom noticed a body floating face-down in the hot tub. Without even thinking, she jumped in to pull the limp body out. However, the kid was nearly scared to death when this crazy woman interrupted his relaxing swim by yanking him out of the water.

Actually, I'm not sure who was more scared...but I do know who was most entertained. The pool area was FULL of people, not to mention the restaurant that opened into this area so that diner's could watch their children frolick in the water. It all happened so fast that I just remember hearing a SPLASH and looking over to see my mother fully-clothed in the hot tub. She was so angry that we were laughing...

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Before my parents bought a van, they had a pickup with a topper. Although we can't imagine having our children ride back there in this day and age, that's how we went on vacation back then. Seatbelts were not required. We would just fill up the bed of the pickup with blankets, pillows, books, and stuffed animals then put on the topper and we were ready to hit the road. But the topper was also handy for trips around town when you had more people than you had seats.

On this occasion, my Uncle Dean was in town from Washington state. For some reason (I don't know if they were forced into it by my Mom and Aunt or if they had the idea on their own) they decided to take the kids to the Jet Drive-In for ice cream cones. So, they hopped in the front of the pickup and us kids (all SEVEN of us) piled into the bed of the truck. After picking up the cones, we started back toward the house.

An interesting fact about Hugoton is that it was built with a drainage system that includes canals. We loved the canals as kids because they made a great place to skateboard and ride our bikes. Not to mention that when it rained, we had a blast playing in the fast-moving water. Dad's shed was right beside the entrance to the canal (where water would drain from the roads into this system) and it was just a short couple of blocks from the house. On this particular day, that entrance to the canal called my father's name. In a split second, he realized how fun it would be to drive through the canal, up and down the slopes, with his brother and all of us kids in tow. Wow...just like a roller coaster.....with ice cream cones! You can just imagine this mess.

I can't resist throwing in a quote from The Wedding Singer here: "They were cones!" LOL!

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We had a little Honda XR75. Actually, Dad still has this little motorcycle and we still enjoy riding it! But we all had little bumps in the road to error-free riding...including the time (probably the same weekend with the ice cream cones above) that Mom and Aunt Janice were sitting on lawn chairs in the yard watching the older kids ride. As they chatted, Casy headed toward them...and kept coming...no slowing down...and coming...still not slowing... And finally, "She's not stopping!" and the two women bailed out of their chairs right before being plowed over because Casy forgot where the brake was!
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We used to go to Clark County Lake often with the Suttons. Bill loved to fish. That is the thing I remember most about him along with his trademark sideburns and mustache. On this particular trip, I decided to climb the hill by the campsite. I think I was in the first grade and I remember how hard that hike was and how high it seemed. I got to the top and was thrilled at the view but when I looked down, I froze. This was the first time I realized that I was scared of heights. After trying to coax me down for quite a while, Dad or Bill came up and carried me down. That hill was known in our little circle from then on as "Gina's Mountain" as name by Bill Sutton.

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When Lisa was little, mom and dad couldn't keep track of her. She was a climber (on the roof, top of the swingset, in trees) and an adventurer. When we would go somewhere, we would often lose Lisa. So...they bought a cowbell and put it around her neck on a purple leather strap. I wonder what in the world strangers thought when they saw this stray child running around with a cowbell clanging around her neck! I didn't think it was weird at all. All you had to do was listen for the DONG DONG DONG and you could find her. My folks had some innovative parenting techniques!

Legend: The Death of Casy's Bunny

My family has many "legends" that we retell often from our childhood. I've decided that these stories need to be passed on. This first is the death of Casy's bunny.

I was young--I would guess about 4. Dad and mom had just built on to the house and my oldest sister (she loves when I call her that), Casy, got their old master bedroom with her own bathroom. At that time, I shared a large room with my older sister, Susan. Lisa was the baby so she had her own little nursery.

Casy and I fought all the time. We couldn't stand each other. Lisa and I were the same way when she got older. And even later, with so many years between them, Casy and Lisa also had this type of relationship. Susan, however, was the peacemaker. We all loved Susan. Anyway, Casy brought home a baby bunny. I have no idea who gave it to her or why. But I DO quite clearly remember her telling me to LEAVE IT ALONE! She made it clear that I was not even to go into her room. And then she was off...because eight-year-olds are very busy people.

But...four-year-olds are very curious people, and I had to see this cute little bunny. So, I went into her room. Now, she probably had it locked, but we had a metal comb with a handle that fit perfectly into her lock and also the bathroom lock for easy access. I can still picture that comb but I don't ever remember anybody using it on their hair. Goodness...a metal fine-toothed comb would rip your hair out! So I made my way into her room and then into her closet where she had tucked the bunny into a cardboard box with some grass (for comfort) and lettuce (for food).

He was so cute...just a tiny little guy. Things are a little fuzzy from here. Afterall, I was only 4. So, I'm going to stick to the facts. Casy got home and had what she refers to as a "Fatal Attraction" moment when she realized her bunny was missing and found her toilet overflowed. I don't know WHY I was immediately a suspect, but she got mom and they came to find me. When asked if I knew where the bunny was, I told them that the rabbit couldn't swim. (I've never been a very good liar.)

The assumption has always been that I was trying to teach the bunny to swim, and when he failed, I flushed him down. However, I believe that it is entirely possible that the bunny died of natural causes and I thought that a burial at sea (or the Hugoton Sewer Pond) would be totally acceptable...maybe even honorable. Okay, maybe I'm stretching it a little. Honestly, I don't remember the fate of the bunny. But, I do remember that Casy was devastated...and furious! And also that my mother had to dig a bunny carcass out of the sewer pipe. This did nothing for our already tenuous relationship.

This little story is very often thrown in my face at family events...minus the screaming and tears. Everyone now seems to think it's hilarious that I would flush a bunny--including my own children.

Funny Things My Kids Say--Part 4

I had a great morning today.

After waking early, I read the paper in bed and worked on today's crossword then lazily drifted back to sleep. Later I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee, biscuits, sausage/gravy, and eggs. Yum! We migrated into the living room after breakfast and I drank a second cup of coffee while we all made fun of the Brady Bunch episode that Todd had stopped on while flipping through channels.

The Brady Bunch episode was the one where the boys found a wallet full of money. After telling their parents, they learned that the "right" thing to do would be to turn it into the police and try to return it to the rightful owner. They hoped nobody would claim it because they found that, after a period of time, the cash would become legally theirs! Mr. Brady, however, was a resourceful man and decided to run an ad in the paper. Lo and behold, the owner was able to describe the wallet and its contents then pick it up.

The acting is so awful. We laughed that we didn't realize how cheesy it was when we were kids. Our children all watched and even chuckled--at the hair, clothes, bad dialogue, etc. When it was over, I said that each episode had a moral lesson. Todd chimed in that, yes, the Brady Bunch had certainly helped raise him. I turned to my oldest daughter and asked, "What moral lesson did you learn, Tana?" in a cheeky tone with a grin on my face. In a very dry voice, my sweet child said, "When you find a wallet, don't tell your parents."

Aahhhhh...another glorious morning in the Tyler household...

Funny Things My Kids Say--Part 3

I remember when I was a kid that my mother would buy chickens and try to explain how to cut them up so that you would end up with all of the pieces looking right. Her mother had taught her when she was young. She cut it so that there were four breast pieces, two of which would probably be considered the tenderloin pieces now. And, she always had a seperate wishbone piece. So, really, we ended up with 5 pieces of good white meat. Sometimes she would buy packs of chicken pieces to add to it, but usually she bought whole chickens.

Nowadays we are spoiled. I have never bought a whole chicken. In fact, I rarely buy chicken pieces. Instead, I just buy the boneless chicken breast filets. And we eat chicken often so we just pick it up when it's on sale and stuff it in the freezer for future use.

When Tana was pretty little, I would say 4, she came into the kitchen as I was putting the chicken in the crockpot. Since I was cooking it all day to shred for enchiladas for supper, I decided to save a few bucks and buy the chicken breasts that were on sale that week at the store rather than buying the filets.

As I was taking it from the package, rinsing it, pulling off any extra fat, and throwing it in the crockpot, Tana watched intently. She asked, "What are you doing?" I told her that I was going to cook the meat for supper. She continued to watch and finally, with a look of horror and disgust on her face, she asked, "Is that dead chicken?" I looked at her and said, "Yes." In her little four-year-old voice she then matter-of-factly stated, "Well, I don't eat dead chicken." And with that, she turned up her nose and was gone.

Funny Things My Kids Say: Part 2

I was going through my files today and found this list that I compiled at some point in the past.

When Heath was a little guy…
Me: Old McDonald had a farm. EIEIO. And on this farm he had a
Heath: Pig
Me: EIEIO. With an oink, oink here (etc.) …and on this farm he had a
Heath: Duck
Me: EIEIO. With an quack, quack here (etc.) …and on this farm he had a
Heath: Turtle
Me: EIEIO. With a hmmmmm. Heath, what does a turtle say?
Heath: Cowabunga Dude!

The twins with Grandma Mostrom at age 3 or 4…
Annie: When I grow up I’m going to be a star.
Andy: Well, I’m going to be the moon!

Tana to Casy on the 4th of July at about age 6 or 7 after years of watching the son-in-laws shoot off the potato gun every time they were all in Hugoton…
"I love fireworks day! I love potato day!"

The twins riding with me in the car at age 6…
Annie: When I grow up I’m going to be a veterinarian.
Andy: Annie, you’ll have to eat lots of vegetables!

On the way to the waterpark when the twins were 8…
Andy: Why do we have belly buttons?
Me: (lengthy discussion about the connection of the baby to the mother followed by) Everyone that was born has a belly button.
Annie: So did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
Followed by silence.

Funny Things My Kids Say: Part 1

I am labeling this with the subheading of "Part 1" because my kids often say things that crack me up. So, I expect to add these often. They are typically short exchanges that I either have with them or that I observe. What great kids I have...

A little background for this one:

I have an addiction that I am battling...with Diet Dr. Pepper. I love it. But lately I've been calculating that amount of money I waste on this vice and I've decided that I need to find some cheaper ways to quench my thirst (and get my caffeine fix).

Andy: Mom, why are you drinking coffee?
Me: Well, I'm trying to drink less pop.
Andy: Oh. I thought you were just getting old.

Inappropriate Behavior

You know how most people sit in the same place, same pew in their church every Sunday? Well, we don't. We try to mix it up a little bit and usually sit in a different place each week. This past Sunday we happened to sit behind a couple that was a bit odd.

While I was intent on the message being delivered by our Pastor, my husband's attention drifted a bit. He noticed the woman lean over to the man and whisper something, then (while I was totally oblivious) she proceeded to hike her right butt cheek and blast flatulence toward her husband. I missed this entire episode! (I need to be sure to compliment my Pastor for an engaging sermon.)

Todd, however, told himself that he surely didn't see and hear what he thought he saw and heard--until the husband leaned back and said, "I'm sorry about that" to the older woman on the other side of Todd. At this point, he knew that he couldn't turn and look at her face or he would totally lose it. I, however, was still completely clueless.

Next, the guy leaned back to me and said, "Sorry about that." Todd was still biting his tongue! The comment broke my concentration from the service but I had no idea why this man was apologizing to me. So, I leaned forward (at this point I know Todd was thinking--"Don't do it! Don't do it!") and asked, "Sorry about what?" He looked at me like he didn't hear what I said, so I asked, "What happened?" (I know Todd wanted to pull me back and tell me to shut up!) The man informed me that "my wife has terrible gas."

I leaned back in the pew with my mind replaying what this man just said. Confused, I looked at Todd but he was staring straight forward because he knew that if he even looked at me he would burst out laughing. I, however, apparently lack this self-control. Everytime I looked at Todd, he would smile but kept looking straight ahead while I convulsed with my silent laughter.

After the service, I think Todd laughed for two days. Of course, he had to fill me in on all of the details that I had missed--which just made the whole situation more absurd.

For those of you who may be following, this is the second "fart" story from church. Hmmm...I hope this isn't a trend. :)

Near Miss...

All week I looked forward to yesterday.

We had arrangements made for the kids (hanging out with Aunt Casy) and tickets to see the KSU Wildcat men play OU and women play KU. Of course, before we could leave we both had some errands to run. Todd went to the grocery store and got some snacks and quick, easy lunch stuff for the kids. Then he filled out my Envoy with gas. When he was pulling in the drive I was pulling out--on the way to get some cash at the bank in his pickup.

When I parked in the garage I was juggling the bank statement, cash, cash envelope, and my ID. So, I was a bit distracted as I was climbing out of the vehicle. I wondered if I had pulled in far enough and, to my dismay, the garage door went back up when it was almost shut. I guessed that it had bumped the back bumper and I needed to pull in a bit more. But, I left it thinking I would take a look when we headed out.

Once inside I helped Todd put away his purchases. I found myself alone in the kitchen completing this task. When finished, I thought I should reward myself with my favorite treat, an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. We keep our pop out in a fridge in the garage so I headed back out. However, the pickup was gone!

My mind immediately told me that Todd must've had to run somewhere. But I knew that wasn't the case because I remembered seeing him disappear with a magazine into our bathroom. So...I walked on into the garage and looked out the door. There was the pickup--across the street in the neighbors yard with its nose stuck out in the road!

First I looked all around--not only to make sure nobody was watching, but also to make sure nobody had been hurt! I ran across the street and up into the neighbors yard then jumped in the pickup and found that it was in reverse. I apparently hadn't put it all the way in Park. So, it had been rolling a bit when the garage door was trying to close--forcing it to open back up.

I quickly pulled back into the garage and went inside laughing to share the story with my husband. He went out and looked his pickup over to make sure there were no scratches or side mirrors missing. Then we both had a good laugh, wondering how I got lucky enough to pull such a stunt with no consequences (other than some mysterious tire tracks in the neighbor's grass).

Of course, things could've ended much differently. We live on a pretty busy street that seems to have quite a bit of traffic for a residential neighborhood but also a lot of foot traffic with walkers and bicycle riders at all hours. Could I have handled the emotional (not to mention financial) consequences if someone had been injured? My negligence was due to the multiple distractions at the time, but that would've been little consolation.

It's funny how things work out. Next time I might not be so lucky.